Some Insights + Feelings From 14th Holotropic Workshop

3rd June, ’96:
Around 9.30am, while still in bed, had a vision of myself being cuddled by a mother gorilla. Following that, I was breast-feeding a tiny baby monkey. Both those images were very comforting. Later, I am aware that I’ve forgiven my adoptive parents for their horrible behaviour towards me. I realise they had serious problems of their own which they never had the chance to resolve. I now believe that I was meant to have this set of parents and that the suffering they caused me, was in fact, an essential penance to prepare me for the next life.

8th June, ’96:
At around 11.30pm I was in the kitchen in a very distressed state and hearing, but not listening to, a David Bowie song which I think was “Fashion”. I was crying too hard to really hear anything. While standing beside the old range, sobbing my guts out and hating myself so much, suddenly it was as if I’d momentarily stepped outside my body and was able to visualise this scene (me standing crying in the kitchen and music playing) on a stage or in a film. For some reason, the fact that the tempo of the song was in total contrast to my then present state of mind, made it all the more an absurd, but nonetheless, exciting idea.

16th Jul, ’96:
After an absence of many years the return of a recurring childhood nightmare. I’m standing outdoors somewhere, when suddenly I see a huge plane falling from the sky and heading straight towards me. I’m absolutely terrified. The next thing I remember is seeing a giant piece of grey steel jutting up out of the ground only a few feet away from me. Emerge from one horror into another - a bridge (close to where I lived as a child) as it used to be. As always, the bridge is open and I’m struggling to balance myself on a narrow section of rusted steel. Below me, the deep dark water lies silently waiting.

17th Jul, ’96:
A TWA jet crashed into the sea in Long Island, U.S.A shortly after take-off from New York. Distressing as that terrible news was, I was even more horrified that it should occur so soon following my dreams of a plane and water (at the time of dreaming and the actual plane crash, I was in Florida, U.S.A).

25th Jul, ’96:
My husband, the boys and I drove to Co., Wicklow (about one hour’s drive from Dublin). I visited the next door neighbours of the family who fostered me when I was a baby.

31st Jul, ’96:
Horrific nightmare. My mother and another old woman, both of whom looked like horrid evil witches were screaming at me even though they both looked dead. I was totally hysterical, talking really fast and showing them how I could stick one end of a straw into a huge vain in my swollen leg and suck the blood out through the other end. Dreamed I awoke with a start just as my husband was screaming a warning to me that our youngest son was about to put his fingers on the back of my neck, which, if he did, was going to kill me. When I eventually woke up I was absolutely terrified for what seemed to be an eternity, then as the terror slowly subsided, I began to clearly understand that my son was in fact a reincarnation of his grand-uncle. It made so much sense.

2nd Aug, ’96:
Went into spontaneous altered state. I was a tiny baby suffering agonising stomach pains. Later, I was feeding, whether from the breast or bottle, I’m not sure, but the sucking and snorting noises were so real. Is it possible that people who hang themselves or kill themselves by other means while in prison, are simply repeating the process from a previous life where they were imprisoned then hanged?.