Some Insights + Feelings From 10th / 11th Holotropic Workshops

17th Feb, ’96:
While in the bathroom got a feeling that I was a snake. I was only aware of the upper part of its body and I seemed to be stretching my head and neck in exactly the same manner common to snakes.

At around 1.00pm. was suddenly aware of a possible explanation for my almost lifelong need to give birth, and also my strange tendency as a child to feel envious of babies and young children.

There was a definite feeling that in a previous life, I either tried to kill or did kill my baby. I probably carried out this atrocity in the period just before or immediately following the birth. If I had used an instrument to induce labour in the hope that in doing so the baby would die, then that could account for my morbid fear of anything being inserted into my vagina. So perhaps my lifelong desire to give birth was a desperate need to, at last, bring a full term healthy baby into this world. My anger, whenever I saw children receiving care and attention, was probably just me being resentful at not having received the same love myself as a child.

It seems my purpose in this life is to either heal the pain from the past, or most likely, to carry out my life sentence of punishment in order to make restitution for my terrible crime.