Janet was my partner and she decided she wanted to “breathe” in the morning as it was her first workshop. During the relaxation exercises, I couldn’t relax my body at all because of the shakes. I just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible, but by the time Janet was ready to begin her “breathing”, I was fine. She had a very powerful experience and needed a lot of bodywork at the end. I was so glad I could help. The session ended around 1.15pm when we returned inside for lunch. The afternoon session began at 2.00pm. This time my body was fine during the relaxation exercises, so I just allowed myself to drift with the sound of Lynn’s voice. I was ready to begin my journey:-
“After five minutes of breathing I am feeling a heavy but not uncomfortable weight on my middle stomach, which later eases to become a tight band around that area. Again, as in all previous sessions, my fingers claw inwards and move up onto my chest where later they develop the usual pins and needles. Ten or fifteen minutes later I begin the struggle to free myself from my mother’s birth canal. The effort is so great I become exhausted very quickly. Having tried several times to repeat the process I become so frustrated I just give up and begin to cry.
A while later I begin the breathing again which brings me back into my anger and I begin to scream “damn you” several times. I think it is directed at my mother for holding me back. Exhausted again, I rest for a little while.
Now I am suddenly aware of an image resembling a human being dressed completely in white with a big brown spider lying in the centre of this person. It doesn’t frighten me and lasts only for a few seconds.
I return to my breathing. Pulling and clawing at my hair and face, I begin to feel a terrible isolation which causes me to cry out in anguish. Is no one ever going to hear my pain?. I abandon all hope of ever being comforted and instead withdraw into myself, quietly sobbing every now and then.
Sometime later Lynn comes over to check if I need help with my body. I tell her I have discomfort in my upper tummy, so she gets me to lie on my back and helps me return to the rapid breathing. This is to allow the energy build up to the point where I will eventually have to release it. As this begins to happen I start to cry which amazes me, and Lynn encourages me to really let it out. She applies pressure to my tummy and following a few more deep breaths, which bring about several gut-wrenching screams, I finally begin to feel some relief.
Now I’m feeling a sharp pain in the left side of my neck to which Lynn also applies pressure while I’m breathing, only this time there is an immediate reaction. Screaming hysterically, almost unable to cope with the massive energy build-up, I press Lynn’s fingers still deeper into my neck. She asks Janet to continue with the gentle pressure on my tummy while she concentrates solely on this pain.
Placing both hands around the back of my neck she begins to move her fingers over my skin. Again there is an instant release of energy which takes the form of yet another earth-shattering scream that sends me into a fit of violent coughing. I feel utterly helpless.
Still screaming, I start to gag which eventually produces lots of gooey mucus thus further relieving the discomfort both in my tummy and neck.
At last, in a state of almost total exhaustion, I lie back down on the mattress. Almost immediately I’m aware of having finally released the huge load of anger left over from the previous session, and knowing this gives me a great sense of achievement. There is no more pain.
Lynn covers me up with Janet’s blanket and places two heavy cushions against my back. It has the wonderful cradling effect needed to help me recover from that enormous discharge of painful shit. Listening to the soothing music and holding onto Janet’s fingers, I drift into a very peaceful state of consciousness. I’m ready to leave the session room at 5.30pm”.
Back in the small room I tried to eat a couple of rice cakes but found I was not hungry. Instead I drew my Mandala. It depicted an image I had following my previous workshop, of a large red ball of anger which appeared to be screaming out its message. It still seemed very relevant to this workshop. Also I drew the brown spider which I visualised during the early part of this session. This is the first time I used two colours in a Mandala, red and brown. Now I was ready to eat and drink.
At around 6.00pm. we returned to the session room where we each gave a lengthy account of our experiences and explained our Mandalas. While describing my personal journey I again became aware of my great accomplishment and also questioned the meaning of the spider image. I felt really good about myself. We finished up around 6.50pm.
During the bus journey home, a wonderful feeling of complete peace, along with a great sense of being protected by something, came over me. I felt my body was safely contained within a gold-framed glass case which was totally unbreakable, meaning I was shielded against any hurt or disaster which might befall me. I could have faced any situation just then, no matter how threatening and I knew I would have come through just fine. Tired and drained, but still feeling safe, I went to bed around 10.00pm.
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