Some Insights + Feelings From 3rd Holotropic Workshop

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Boil on leg possibly relating to pain in leg suffered as a result of father’s beatings.

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Stomach pains probably began while still in mother’s womb as a result of either fear or frustration at being born.

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Intense fear experienced 14 years ago at seeing water through division in walk-way while boarding ship at night time, may well have been triggered by fear of dying in water during birth process.

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I got my first migraine headache just over 20 years ago, following an incident in a swimming pool, where I fell backwards down into the water. I remember letting out the same scream then as I do now during my Holotropic sessions. Obviously the experience reawakened memories of suffocating at some stage in my mother’s womb, which in turn triggered the memory of my forceps delivery, resulting in the subsequent migraines which I still suffer to this day.

20th. June, ’95:
Strong need to return to bed this morning. As I began to completely relax, I was seized by an incredible anger which had me thrashing about and screaming “Fuck you” and “Go to bloody Hell”. I don’t know who this anger was directed at. Fell asleep totally exhausted and woke up about an hour later feeling much better.

21st. June, ’95:
This morning found me back in bed still needing to deal with more painful unresolved issues. Once again, went into spontaneous altered state and began to relive what I believe to be my birth. Squirming around, pushing my heels into the bed and arching my back, I began to make agitated baby noises. Went deeper and started to gag and spit furiously. (I’d been going into spontaneous altered states for over two years, which is why I felt the need for experiential psychotherapy).

22nd./23rd. June, ’95:
Vivid childhood memories, including some very definite sounds and smells associated with happy, pleasurable moments.

13th. Jul, ’95:
At around 6.00am woke up crying out of a very distressing dream in which I was being repeatedly beaten by my French teacher for not understanding some question. When I screamed “No”, she began to ridicule me, encouraging the rest of the class to laugh and further humiliate me. Several times throughout the day I felt a bit down, which hasn’t happened for some weeks now.