Continuation 18/1/1997 - Closing Day 19/1/1997

Still completely overcome with emotion I remained seated on the beanbag in my corner with my head buried in my hands,crying almost as hard as I do during my sessions. During my distress several people,including Katherine and Margaret, came over to comfort me which helped ease the pain a little. It must have been around 12.30am when I finally recovered and began moving my body while still in a sitting position to the beautiful Native American music. Again, as during the October '96 week-end, I was totally alone in the session room 'till sometime near 1.30am. It was just before then that I began to see very frightening images and hear my partner's cries from this afternoon. It absolutely terrified me.

I went off out into the kitchen for a chat and a cup of tea where I engaged in deep conversation 'till 3.10am. After everyone had gone to bed I remained alone for a while just sitting with my thoughts then discovered I needed to use the downstairs loo.

As I headed down the long dark corridor there was the sudden sound of a toilet flushing in the mens' loo and even more terrifying was the noise inside my head which this time sounded like people whispering and giggling. I was out of my mind with fear and ran back towards the kitchen. As I desperately needed to go to the loo I made another attempt to venture down the corridor only this time with the lights on.

I never peed so fast in all my life nor did I ever feel so frightened while doing it. Went to bed 3.30am.

Didn't sleep too well. Got up 7.50am. As the upstairs showers were broken I had to go downstairs which again triggered the awful terror of my earlier experience in the corridor.

At 10.20am we gathered in the session room for the final small group. I was so open I took on board everyone else's pain and cried throughout most of the sharing. When it came to my turn to talk at first I found it very difficult to share with everyone the most intimate details of yesterday's session but eventually I found the courage to discuss the sexual abuse, even if I did deliberately omit some of the more gruesome details. I was very distressed.

A while later I developed the most horrendous stomach cramp which had me doubled up for the remainder of the meeting. I also continued to cry right to the end.

It was well after 2.00pm by the time we were ready for lunch and afterwards we returned to the session room around 3.30pm for the Closing Ceremony. Again, I was aware of Tony's absence.

After I'd said all my goodbyes I briefly told Michael about my couple of disturbing experiences with my snakes. He told me to see it as a very positive healing process. I left with Don at 5.05pm.

Arrived in town at 6.00pm. Got home around 6.45pm. Talked quite a lot to my husband about the week-end. Felt very tired.

After some dinner went to bed around 10.00pm.