Some Insights + Feelings From 20th/21st Holotropic Breathwork Workshops

14th Dec, ’96:
Dreamed that I was getting ready for a breathwork session. I’m not sure which centre it was, but the workshop was being run by Sarah, my room-mate from the Nov’96 week-end. There seemed to be about 10 or 12 other participants, but as it turned out, I was to be the only one who would be “breathing”.

Sarah arranged for us all to go down to a “session” room, but once there, I immediately noticed there were no mattresses and I became very anxious. She informed me that I would be breathing alone, but beforehand, I would have to be wrapped up.

Everyone was sitting at what looked like old school desks and I expressed my dismay at the thought of them all just staring at me.

With the help of another girl, Sarah placed 3 pink blankets around me then tied them securely around my body with some kind of tape. When I realised that I couldn’t move my arms, I abruptly woke up in a state of sheer panic. I remained very disturbed for quite a while afterwards.

18th Dec, ’96:
In the early afternoon, began to feel a dreadful choking sensation in my throat, along with the feeling of having someone stand on my chest. It lasted for about an hour, during which time I coughed a lot, and at times, found it quite difficult to breathe.

19th Dec, ’96:
Returned to bed around 10.00am.

Felt very frightened and cried for ages. Suddenly, the fear intensified and I became a tiny baby who’s head was stuck in the exit of his mother’s vagina. The terror was overwhelming and I could feel the familiar choking sensation in my throat and pressure on my chest that I felt yesterday afternoon and during my last breathwork session. Because of the intense feelings my breathing became deeper and more rapid, taking me even further into the experience and soon I was coughing and spitting up gunge, again, the same as I would during a session. Afterwards, slept for a short while then woke up feeling really relieved of something, which was a good way to wake up.

25th Dec, ’96:
At around 9.15am while standing at the range in the kitchen, began to break out into a cold sweat, with my heart pounding and feeling really sick and dizzy. It lasted for about 10-15 minutes, and I’m positive it was one of my dreadful panic attacks.

Again, at around 10.45pm, the very same thing happened, only this time I was in the throes of a hangover.

26th Dec, ’96:
It was around 9.45am when I had another attack, but luckily this one was much less severe and lasted only a couple of minutes.