Continuation 26/10/1996 - Closing Day 27/10/1996

Remained in the session room alone, dancing 'till 1.15am. The music sounded like a mixture of Indian and African rhythms which practically hypnotised me. My movements had real meaning, as though the dance itself was a kind of cleansing and setting free from my body all the painful shit which had accumulated over the course of my life. I was totally lost in the whole experience.

When I returned to the kitchen there were lots of people still up. I could feel energy oozing from my fingertips and told Deirdre and a few others about it. I was absolutely flying. Later, my room-mate, Pauline still had a lot of tension in her body following her session earlier on, so a lady called Sorcha offered to help her out with some bodywork right there in the kitchen. As it showed no sign of working, Sorcha decided it might be best to do it out in the session room.

It was around 3.00am, when Sorcha, Pauline, Debby (our administrator) and myself headed out into the session room, where Debby put on some music and Pauline lay face down on a mattress. As she was cold, Sorcha got me to cover her with a duvet and then light a candle. I sat back and observed as Sorcha worked on Pauline’s neck for about half an hour or so. In the end it seemed to help her. When we returned to the kitchen we talked for ages, then as I was completely nackered, I went up to bed at 4.45am (old time). Slept 'till around 6.30am (new time).

Got up 7.10am. Physically, felt fine, but inside my head was a mess although the sense of peace from last night still remained.

At around 1.15pm, towards the end of the last small group sharing, I became very emotional as I listened to all the pain and suffering that was being expressed. Also, I knew that very soon I would be leaving my sanctuary and all the people I'd come to regard as my new "family". It was around 3.00pm, at the beginning of the Closing ceremony, that I suddenly began to feel really dreadful. Sitting at the back of the session room, I became very dizzy and my vision began to blur. Almost immediately I developed a blinding headache on the left side of my head and my heart began to pound in my throat. As I sat there nackered, feeling the blood draining from my face and my left hand becoming numb, I began to realise that this was the combination of a migraine and my first real panic attack in many years.

Although I felt I was going to pass out, I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. Instead, I just sat with my head in my hands for most of the time, which unfortunately caused me to miss out on most of Suzanne and Michael's discussion.

At 4.40pm got a lift home with Des and another woman who was going into the city centre. I chose to sit in the back seat as I didn't feel up to joining in any conversations. During the journey I felt very disorientated and also my head was still pounding. At times I became very nauseated and prayed I wouldn't have to get Des to pull over.

Totally exhausted. Burning sensations all over my body. Went to bed 9.00pm.