Some Insights + Feelings From 15th Holotropic Workshop

22nd Aug, ’96:
I’m clearly aware of a change in my personality. For the past few days I’ve become more open with myself and others. I’m much more relaxed in the company of friends and neighbours. It feels like the real me is finally emerging from the high security prison I built within myself so long ago. It became my sanctuary, my only hope of survival when life became too painful.

Dreamed I was in a museum. This was no ordinary museum. It was more like something out of a Roald Dahl adventure, with lots of strange rooms, some painted bright red and green. Within these rooms were what appeared to be bookshelves, which, if you leaned against one, you could end up being transported down a long dark corridor that lead to nowhere really. The highlight of the dream was when I accidentally pressed a button on a big iron door which immediately swung open, whereupon, huge steel claw-like handles lifted me up onto the top of the door.

Instantly I felt the panic of being off the floor and suspended in mid-air. Then a strange thing happened; for the first time ever in a dream, I actually took control of the fear and didn’t allow it to ruin what was to become a most exhilarating and mind boggling experience.

Whizzing through the air at neck-breaking speed I allowed myself experience, for the first time and with great joy, the feeling of movement which was outside of my control. In reality, that is something which causes me great terror.

The dream continued with me being catapulted from one weird room to the next, my head, at times barely within inches of the great magnificently decorated ceilings. Another good story-line perhaps?.

14th Sept, ’96:
Shortly after waking did my meditation in bed. About thirty minutes later while listening to some Native American music, shouted out “No” in a very aggressive manner. Realised I was entering yet another spontaneous altered state and immediately brought myself out of it.

Soon afterwards saw an image similar to one I had following a previous breathwork session. It was of a tiny baby connected to the Universe by its umbilical cord, only this time the baby was a bright yellow light gently pulsating in the thin white amniotic fluid.

Also, I was floating upwards in a deep blue liquid which contained millions of small white dots resembling tiny stars or specks of snow. Although it lasted only a few seconds, it was truly beautiful.