Opening Night - Thursday 28/11/1996

By the time I arrived at the bus station around 4.00pm, I was feeling pretty low as I’d just come from the adoption agency where I’d been discussing my natural mother’s death with my social worker. There was the usual hustle and bustle you’d expect to find at any transport station and as I was feeling emotionally fragile, I decided to seek refuge in the more tranquil surroundings of the station’s small restaurant where I had a cup of Camomile tea and an apple.

I had planned on catching the 5.30pm, but on checking the time table, I discovered there a bus due to leave at 5.00pm. I couldn’t make up my mind which one to go for until I saw Don, who I knew from previous workshops, standing in the queue, but as I was almost the last to board the bus, it was packed, so I had to stand for the entire journey.

We arrived at 6.15pm and had to walk the full trek to the house in the pitch dark and lashings of rain. Drenched to the bone, we had a good old laugh all the way, which helped cheer me up no end.

Debby immediately gave us our room numbers so as we could change out of our soaking clothes and dry off. After having some rice cakes and tea, I went into the session room to help put the covers on the mattresses and get the room ready for the first large group later on.

It was around 7.45pm when we eventually gathered for the first talk and introductions. As always, I felt very nervous introducing myself to what appeared to be over thirty participants.

After a short break I joined the small group with Tony for people who had done three or more workshops and this started around 9.00pm. We finished around 10.05pm, then most people headed back into the kitchen for the usual late night chat, which can sometimes last well into the early hours.

During Tony’s earlier talk I became very sad and by the time I’d arrived in the kitchen, I was feeling so down, I was incapable of holding a conversation with anyone and began crying quietly to myself. As I didn’t want to upset people, I went up to bed at 10.55pm to discover that Sarah was my room-mate. She was sitting up in bed and as soon as I went over to greet her, I broke down and sobbed my heart out, telling her about the day my adoptive parents fucked up the rest of my life by telling me that my birth mother hated me. It was so good when Sarah held me. She confided in me too. After two hours of consoling each other, we settled down to sleep at 1.00am.